It's the middle of summer for many people. In a perfect world, this is the season when we take a breath, recharge our batteries, and enjoy simple moments with the people we care about.

And yet, if you're like a lot of people I talk to, you might still be carrying an underlying sense of fatigue. Maybe you've had a grueling quarter at work, a stressful stretch with family, or you're just feeling worn around the edges.

And what is the standard advice society loves to throw at us whenever we feel worn out?

"Change your mindset." "Just suck it up." "Dig deep and show more grit."

Hearing that kind of advice can spark a wide range of reactions, from a tired eye roll to an absolute gut punch. Because when you're already running on fumes, being told to "muster up more resilience" feels overwhelming and exhausting. Even worse, it reinforces an insidious cycle of guilt, blame, and shame, subtly hinting that if you can't "shake it off," there must be something wrong with you.

It's time to blow up that myth right now. Take a deep, clear breath and hear me on this: There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and you don't need to muster more "grit."

We are all biologically wired for resilience. But to tap into it, we first must fix a couple of major misunderstandings. First, perseverance is not resilience. And second, we were never meant to go at life alone!

Perseverance vs. Resilience

Most people confuse resilience with perseverance. They treat these ideas as the exact same thing, but they are very different.

Perseverance is about getting through something longer.

It's white-knuckling your way through friction and dragging yourself across a finish line. While perseverance has its place, doing it repeatedly without changing the underlying conditions isn't helpful. It's a direct path to overwhelm and burnout.

Resilience, on the other hand, is about getting through something stronger.

True resilience isn't just surviving the storm; it's the process of learning, adapting, growing, and developing your everyday strength. It isn't about grinding harder; it's about how naturally and predictably you return to a state of confidence, capable, and/or calm.

Resilience Isn't a Solo Sport

Here's a secret that the self-help "grit" narrative completely misses: Resilience was never meant to be a lone endeavor.

Human beings are relational creatures. Expecting yourself to be resilient in isolation, without the right support, connection, or predictability in your environment, is like expecting a clock to keep perfect time without power. If a clock stops ticking, you don't blame the clock; you look for new batteries or plug it in!

When you feel drained, it's rarely because you lack character or internal strength. It's almost always because the essential requirements in your relationships or environments are currently unplugged.

The Three Great States: The Keys for Human Resilience

If you want to support your natural human resilience this summer, stop beating yourself up and start looking at your relationships and the environments you spend the most time in.

Check in with the Three Great States that every human being needs to thrive:

1. Safe: Where do I feel the safest, and who do I feel truly safe with? Where can you drop the mask, stop defending yourself, and allow your nervous system to genuinely exhale?
2. Significant: Where, and with whom, do I feel like I truly matter? Look at your relationships and surroundings. Where do you feel valued, appreciated, and connected to real meaning?
3. Situated: Which environments provide me with predictability, reliability, and dependability? Where do you have clear expectations, a solid sense of structure, and an environment where you aren't constantly bracing for inconsistency or chaos?

Consider the Truth about Resilience

These Three Great States are fundamental keys to developing and strengthening resilience, but they are just the beginning of the story. Resilience isn't a mystical riddle you have to solve on your own; it's a design choice.

If you want to go deeper into the full architecture of human resilience and explore the practical tools built to power your everyday strength, check out my new book, Getting to Better. It is packed with deep insights, real-world strategies, and actionable pathways designed to help you transform your relationships and environments from the inside out.

Stop Grinding, Start Connecting with Your Three Great States

This summer, give yourself full permission to drop the "grit" expectation. You don't need to prove how much friction you can endure, and you certainly don't need to "just suck it up."

Focus on the simple, bucket-filling micro-moments right in front of you. Surround yourself with people and places that make you feel Safe, Significant, and Situated, and protect your energy, while simultaneously reinforcing your resilience.

You're already resilient.
Let's make sure your relationships and the environments you spend the most time in, support your pre-packaged potential for strength.

You're built for Better.
Together, we can get there faster.

Stephen de Groot is President and CoFounder at Brivia. He is the author of the highly acclaimed book Getting to Better: A New Model for Elevating Human Potential at Work and in Life and Responsive Leadership (SAGE, 2016).

To learn more about Getting to Better and to buy your copy now, Click Here.